Holding Hate, Grief, and Rage — While Choosing Love, Connection, and Understanding in this Time of Trump and Deep Division

Let me begin by stating, for context, that I am a white, cisgender, straight man who grew up in Texas and Oklahoma within a Republican-dominated culture—someone who is actively trying to understand the epoch we are in and who is committed to contributing to a better world, for all humans.

I’m sharing this because I believe honest perspectives can support others who are discovering their own Truth—both in how to respond, and in clarifying the role they play in what is unfolding within their communities and in the world.

The Stance

I am working hard to hold the complexity of the world right now. I believe I have space in my Heart for all human beings, as well as a deep capacity to forgive others. However, these times are really challenging my capacities.

Moreover, I do not want to wish illness, pain, or death upon any human being, because I believe that doing so only perpetuates us digging ourselves deeper into the hole we are already in. And yet, I am prepared to protect the people I Love—at all costs—if I must, with whatever force I have available at the time.

What I dream of is a world where there is universal connection, understanding, and Love. At the same time, I recognize the need for people to stand up and exert energy against heinous forces and acts that are disrupting our communities and disregarding our rights. We must protect one another from the governmental and corporate powers that have abstracted the majority of us—rendering us less than human.

This applies to everyone.

As a leader, healer, and human, I must speak and act against what ICE and other forces in power are doing: lying profusely, disrupting communities, terrorizing and killing human beings, and stripping away rights we believed we had. 

What I see is that evil, ignorance, and disconnection are dictating the decision-making of this administration and the organizations financially empowered by it. We, the people, are at war—and I hate to say it, but we are at war with each other. The overlords are winning. They have tricked us into fighting one another. 

In order to be the change I want, I am committed to being rooted in a powerful place of Fierce Love, because I know that a grounded, courageous path with Heart is the way forward.

We all have the capacity to be warriors, and as a consequence, there are ways of engaging that get us or others hurt or killed. That is the unfortunate reality. I pray for these capacities to be examined and worked with before real-world action is taken, in order to reduce the amount of harm and loss of life.

And at the same time, who am I to say that those banging on federal building windows and yelling self-harm rhetoric at federal officers recently here at the protests in Eugene are doing something wrong? They are rightfully outraged. It may not be “wise”—but they are important pieces of the puzzle, and we all have a role to play in these matters, no matter where you stand.

My full Truth is that those actions are not aligned with how I want to engage with these issues. Love and connection is where I want to act from. And collectively there is a great deal of energy in the way of Love and connection. It is incredibly easy to get swept up in the powerful forces of violence and hatred. I see within myself how easily I could use my anger for unbridled aggression—and how justified it would feel.

But I also see a likelihood of unfavorable consequences that I, myself, would like to avoid. That is the personal decision I grapple with.

An Expanded Awareness

I recognize that this kind of treatment has been happening to people of color for hundreds of years, and that it continues to this day. As a white person who grew up in an environment with very little diversity, I don’t fully understand that lived experience, and I don’t want to speak for it.

What I can say is that I acknowledge—on some level, and not as deeply as I should—the ongoing harm and mistreatment people of color have endured throughout the entirety of the United States’ existence. I’m still learning, still listening, and still working to understand more. This isn’t my field or my lived experience, but it matters to name this as best I can.

Let me also say this: thank you to those who are consciously exercising their privilege to take on risk that others in this country are not afforded the safety to take.

Many underrepresented people—especially people of color—are not allowed to express their rage, grief, or outrage publicly because it simply isn’t safe for them to do so. A person of color can be silenced, detained, harmed, or killed for showing up in places and expressing emotions that are both understandable and justified.

So I want to acknowledge those who can show up and absorb some of that risk—those who are willing to be channels for the intensity, hate, and aggression that exist in the field, and to do so in ways that protect people who would otherwise pay a much higher price.

I see this not as glorifying violence, but as recognizing an uneven distribution of danger, and the choice some are making to stand in that space on behalf of those who cannot safely do so themselves.

What I Believe

I don’t want to tell people what to do. I don’t know what’s right. It’s possible someone dying does contribute significantly to the change we want to see in the long term. However devastating that sentiment is, it is the sacrifice some people are actively making or are ready to make. What I do know is that we need people to speak out and act—and, if possible, be guided by Love, clarity, care, and connection. I welcome all parts in joining me in this intention, and I am welcoming of differing perspectives and opinions.

The Truth of my Heart tells me that what ICE is doing is wrong. Wrongful detention and deportation practices, interrogation, unprecedented retaliation, and the killing of innocent human beings is not only a violation of laws and human rights; it also goes against an inner moral judgement that I believe comes naturally to human beings.

Everyone deserves a right to due process and the right to say or do nothing before having a lawyer present, even people who are here without papers. What I’ve seen is people being treated as guilty before any due process has occurred. That seems wrong and no one would want to be treated like that.

When due process is abandoned, so is our capacity to see one another as human.

What has been happening for a long, long time is an ever-widening gap—a disconnection between people’s minds, their Hearts, and their bodies. That disconnection fuels a loss of awareness and compassion, along with an increasing unwillingness to empathize with others, let alone feel one’s own emotions and inner experience.

This is a bedrock for the wars we have been cycling through since time immemorial. Disconnection has always been the enemy. It is not another human being or what they have done, but the inability to connect to each other, connect to one’s own Heart and the Heart of another.

This is partly why humans abstract others by placing them into boxes and large numbers. People in power have, for a long time, been unable—or unwilling—to sense the suffering of the Hearts of individuals, because to do so would be too much to bear.

No More Black and White Thinking

It is sensible to believe that annihilating the human or humans who represent the evil we are perceiving would suffice—that it would bring about peace and harmony. But it is much much deeper than that.

What I have found is that very little, if anything, is black and white. If you open yourself up, you will find immense complexity present. So what do we do?

I am here to tell you this: after many conversations and observations, I think you should do what is most natural to you. Act with as much awareness as possible. Be curious, fluid, and willing to adapt to changes in your body, Heart, and mind, varying greatly to the environmental conditions around you. That may entail walking for peace. Or it may mean fighting for justice. 

To add even more complexity, even those who have turned a blind eye are doing the best they can. They are likely turning away for reasons that are just as understandable as those who are actively engaged. Of course, I believe what happens in the world affects us all. I think this speaks to how much capacity a person has available to extend their care beyond themselves, their family unit, and their community, which is yet another personal matter. 

I will not tell anyone to stop being angry, violent, rageful, vengeful, or righteous. My understanding tells me we need all of these energies. We need humans willing to fight violently. But most importantly, we need regulated and connected humans who can harness these powerful energies and act in appropriate ways in the face of gross injustice.

I remain committed to acting in ways that are most aligned with my Heart, my values, and the vision I hold for a just and balanced world. I believe that in order to bring peace, I must stand powerfully peacefully. In order to have Love and Light, I must do my hate and darkness work. In order to protect those I Love, I must learn my weaknesses and connect to the strength of my community. And in order to shift the minds of those who oppose all of this, I must connect to their Hearts. Changing someone’s mind will never be enough—it is a change of Heart that I aspire toward.

Offerings

Firstly, whenever necessary—when it is available to you—slow down. Maybe stop completely. Bring your awareness to the sensations in your body. Breathe. Just be with what is real in your body. If it feels available, sink into those sensations. Listen to them. Give them space to move. Eventually, ask yourself, “What do I need?”

Maybe what you need is space to return to the elements that are your medicine—movement, meditation, silence, nature, relationship, or community.

Please take care of yourself. People who are depleted, under-resourced, unhealthy, and disconnected are not only being led into deeper despair and unnatural death—it is exactly what they want.

Do your inner work—hate, violence, sadness, grief—in safe containers where these emotions can be fully expressed and worked with. In other words, do your hate work in a safe place. This can support your emotional stability before going into spaces that may be dangerous.

They—the powers invested in division—want us to bring forth these untethered, volatile emotions so they can be later distorted, propagandized, and weaponized against the movement demanding positive change in our government and communities. Find a container where you can feel and express these sacred emotions, and intentionally connect them back to your Heart. Honor all your feelings. Find stability, strength, clarity, and Love—and know you can still be rightfully angry from that place. Inner work is world work.

Be deeply curious about what your role is here. Explore it. Talk to trusted people about it. And once you discover the role that feels most clearly aligned with your values and mission, fully embody it. We need everyone involved in whatever way feels available. Learn about yourself through these world events. And be open to change. Adaptability is required if we are to respond appropriately to expected and unexpected situations.

Now more than ever is the time to know who you are, what you know, and where your shadows or blind spots are. World work is about awareness, and awareness requires acknowledging diversity, complexity, and circumstance within ourselves and around us. Our awareness can hold more than we think.

Because disconnection is the state they want us in, get connected. Connect with yourself. Then connect with others in your neighborhood and community. If connection through online forums or groups are available, that is great, too. We need true Heart-to-Heart connection and understanding—true connection and understanding defies space and time.

I don’t mean pseudo-connection, which often brings people together through hate or shared dislike of another—which isn’t always bad—but it is not the kind of connection that lasts. Connection between humans through Love has always been a biological need. 

Connection equals protection. Community is immunity. And more Hearts mean more parts—so respect each other’s differences, and remember that we are not as different as we think.

Deep democracy, if we are ever to return to it, requires people feeling safe enough to own their differences, state their opinions, and grow through conflict with each other.

And finally, I implore you to not condemn the roles others are taking on in the fight against injustice. Everyone is playing a role. Deep resolution is impossible without awareness and acceptance of all our internal and external parts. 

Understanding and innerstanding is important. Look inside and come to understand how easily any of us could be responding—or reacting—differently than we currently are.

Bypass the mind and go straight to your Heart and the values that you embody.

Focus on what you want to do, and what you can do, moment by moment.

And once again—please take care of yourself and act from a place of FIERCE LOVE.

Winds of Change

Until the last couple of years, the role I took on for much of my life was to put my head in the sand—to look away from the news, social media, and anything socio-political—because I didn’t think it was affecting my life, and therefore didn’t care to learn about it.

I was unwilling to feel the pain of what was happening because I believed it would hijack my energy and nervous system in ways that would not serve me or the people I interacted with. And, to be fair, I had my own full plate of problems that I was working on.

I can understand my reasoning, but I see now that I was afraid of not being able to hold the suffering of all these humans I didn’t personally know. I was spiritually bypassing. I wasn’t willing to include a huge fraction of humanity into my conscious awareness.

I say this because someone may need to hear it: it is not too late to look at and feel the pain of what is happening. If you can heed the offerings above—if you can honor your pain and learn to process it properly so that you don’t become overly absorbed by it—you can observe what is happening and act appropriately. And, if you can’t, then I understand.

However, my most important realization is this: if you don’t agree with what’s going on, then it is your responsibility to speak out against it, despite how scared you are. That goes for everything—but especially now, while so many innocent lives are being dramatically altered in ways that resemble and echo some of the darkest and most evil times in human history.

This is not a distant issue, and even if it is a cycle or a phase that humans go through, do you want to look back with remorse for not, at the very least, practiced speaking your mind, expanding your awareness, and sharpening your understanding of the world?

We don’t know what the winds of change will bring, or how and when they will arrive. But I do know that we can always anchor ourselves to our Truth in the moment. That means practicing being with your feelings and emotions. Getting to know them. Connecting with others. Sharing your opinions and feelings with people you trust, and staying open to change.

After doing this, be ready to let the Love—the spark, the flame in your Heart—move you in whatever way is in the highest service of the Universe’s mission for harmony and Love.

Loving Forward

This is a phrase I’ve used for years in lieu of “moving forward.” The way I describe the phrase—Loving Forward—is this:

“Loving” represents the feminine. It is the Mother who bears witness to her child, or children, in all of their beauty and profanity. This Mother holds and receives it all—even the deepest hate—and never wavers in her Love. Loving is a verb. It is always present, and it never has to stop.

“Forward” represents the masculine. It is the gentle, stern, and empowering push to keep going, keep trying, and keep growing. It looks to the future—not because it is running from the present, but because its deepest intention is to ensure safety, protection, comfort, and prosperity for all.

We must Love now, even in the face of inequities, injustice, and plain wrongness, while also looking forward to the future we want for ourselves, our descendants, and all the great inheritors of this beautifully rich planet.

Our Anger, Hatred, Sadness, and Fear must be felt, expressed, and processed—as well as the Anger, Hatred, Sadness, and Fear of other humans, including those we are seemingly against. This is deep democracy. We can find common ground and connect.

What is clearly in the way is an organization and an administration that is causing great harm to humanity and our planet through deception, disconnection, and abstraction. This is terribly hard to forgive the people involved in this mission.

We cannot forget, however, that they are humans with Hearts just like ours. Their minds and lives may be vastly different, but the Heart functions the same in everyone. What we need is a change of Hearts—or, more precisely, a reconnection to ourselves, to our Hearts, and to the Hearts of others, and that will likely change someone’s mind.

Love is the medicine. Of course it is. But so is everything else—hate, grief, violence, and suffering. The way of healing contains it all.

Loving forward, I implore you to connect to what is real. Social media, the internet, AI—these are not real, and it is becoming harder and harder to tell the difference. Use them as tools. Breathe deep and slow to catch yourself when they have you.

I hope this article has been helpful. The offerings I’ve shared are what I believe to be the most essential and simple things we can do. This is about action that comes from a place of connection and regulation. Please reach out if you would like more help. 

In Conclusion

We, the people, want to exercise our rights. We want to feel free to speak our opinions. I, for one, want ICE out of my community. I want this administration to end and be replaced by people who are human-centered. Maybe the whole system should crumble. I want ignorance illuminated. I want hypocrisy gone. I want change that means justice, connection, and prosperity for all because it is possible.

So speak out, or pray silently.Be open. Be ready to adapt. And remember—we need each other. We need to grow together, through difference and conflict, so we can work through these collective issues and keep the momentum of Loving Forward as a whole. No parts left behind or unrecognized.

I am praying for the healing of all beings. No one is excluded from my Heart, no matter how much hate I may feel toward them.

Good luck to you all in learning more about yourself through this. May the pathway of connection to your Heart be wide and unobstructed, and may you know from a place of Love what you are here to do. 

Please reach out if you would like to talk more about these matters. I am open to learning and deepening my understanding.